Why? Because I actually agree with the inductees. Why does my opinion matter? For the same reason the voters’ opinions matter. BECAUSE I SAY SO.
Anyway, this year’s performing inductees are:
ABBA! They are amazing, and you know it. You deny it in front of your cool friends, but what you don’t know is that the really cool kids admit loving ABBA too. They had amazing songs, amazing harmonies, full freaking package.
Genesis: Phil Collins’ gradual descent into lameness (or at least being known as lame) sort of tarnished the work of Genesis. They were actually a pretty good band! Well, “Invisible Touch” was good. And also “Land of Confusion,” I think. Can’t remember now. But my mom liked them! She has good taste.
The Hollies: I know one song by them, but it’s really good. “Bus Stop” is one of the top five songs that I wake up to. It’s super hard to have a bad morning when you wake up to the cheerful harmonies and mild psychedelia of that song. Oh, hey! They also sang “Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress” and “The Air That I Breathe.” Those are excellent. They deserve it.
Jimmy Cliff: He’s the man when it comes to reggae. Pretty much the man. Marley gets the credit, Cliff did as much work. Next! (Full disclosure: I hate reggae.)
The Stooges: Billie Joe Armstrong gave them this award by saying, “They symbolize the destruction of Flower Power and the creation of raw power.” Then they played the following song, creating the musical highlight of the evening. Listen to it and try not to rock out.